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Posts Tagged ‘trust’

As parents we have an incredible influence on the level of our children’s self-esteem.  The knowledge of this can create some fear, and even guilt with how we may be parenting, but the answer to developing a depth of trust that creates a healthy self-esteem is a lot simpler then we sometimes make it.

We often go to extremes in exposing our children to different experiences, and boosting their confidence with praise, and enrolling them in a myriad of activities to hone their skills and talents.  All of this is done with the best of intentions, and the underlying core is that we want our children to grow up with a healthy self-esteem…and in a nutshell, to be happy.  But the solution need not be so complicated.

We have sometimes lost sight of the fact that the solution to reaching a deep and meaningful relationship with our children boils down to one thing…communication.

We get caught up in the rat race and speed of life, running them around from activity to activity that we’ve lost the simplest form of influence in their life…conversation. One of the most effective forms of creating high levels of self-esteem and confidence is letting them know that they are heard and they are seen; that they’re not just some project that we need to mould and transform.

Creating a safe place for trust is monumental in opening the doors to building a relationship with our children that lets them know we are always there for them.  By being a stable source in their lives creates a security and foundation that allows them to grow into who they are.  By knowing you are the source, you will become the sounding-board they need as they grow, experience and explore.

What I’ve found to be effective with my children is having established a “safe place.”  This doesn’t necessarily have to be a static place, but can be more of an energetic safety zone where they can talk to you openly.  I let my children know that whenever they ask to speak in the “safe place” that they are able to share whatever they want with me, without the fear of me getting angry, judging, and having to “fix” whatever is going on for them.

The “safe place” is a place to let go of their fears, concerns, and troubling thoughts, as well as ask questions. Having done this has led to some truly amazingly conversations, and has laid the groundwork for building a relationship of trust and acceptance.

If you are wanting to develop a depth of trust with your children that paves the way for building a strong self-esteem and sense of self, I believe starting with a “safe place” is a great place to start!

Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the The Integrity Code, and The Soulful Parent Programs. Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills, experience, and intuition as a mother, teacher, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Entrepreneur to help guide moms to recover their true selves and their intuition, while at the same time learn how to parent so their children can do the same.

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Summer is upon us and with that it has been bringing up mixed feelings for me.  The reason for these mixed feelings is because my higher self and my ego mind have been battling it out!  Since I have gone into business for myself, I know that the direction my business takes lies directly on my shoulders.   Most times I embrace the fact that I control my own future, however, in all honesty at times this can also scare the crap out of me!

 

The reason for the recent mixed feelings is because I really want to focus on being in the moment of being a mom, without the constant pull to feel like I “should” be doing something to keep up the momentum of my business.  If you talk to any marketer it is absolutely imperative to remain consistently visible so that we don’t get forgotten.  Although I do believe this to be true, I also feel that it is even more important to be in integrity at all times.

 

Because of this I have set a structure for myself within my business, BUT I have also made a commitment to myself that I will only send out material and posts that I feel guided to; ones that I feel will bring genuine value. For the summer, part of me is excited to relax on the structure that I have set up…and another part of me is scared to let go of it.

 

If you have read any of my past material you may have heard me refer to our higher self and our ego mind.  Our higher self is what calls us to do what is for our best and highest good.  Our ego mind is engulfed in fear.

 

In this case I know that it is my ego mind that is trying to keep me safe by not veering off course, but I also know that my higher self is strongly calling me to relax, enjoy my kids, and allow the seeds that I have already planted to take root.  There are cycles we go through, so we aren’t always meant to be in “doing” mode.  However, this causes a lot of fear for our ego.

 

Be being aware, we can easily determine which mind is talking to us, and it is up to us which one we listen to.  When these situations arise, which they do for all of us, I ask myself the question, “If I wasn’t afraid, what would I do?”

 

Based on the answer to that question, I am letting go of the well intentioned advice of marketers and doing what I know is best for my priorities at this times….and right now my priority is to spend focused time with my family.  And because it is coming from my highest self, I trust that all is happening as it should.

 

Why am I sharing this?  First to share how fear creeps in for everyone and its how we respond and handle it that is important.  I believe that the key to handling it well is awareness.  And secondly to let you know that I will be easing up a little this summer, and am committing to sending out one blog a month versus my usual weekly blog (you may or may not have noticed that in June I went to bi-weekly).  I am however still available to contact, and will continue to work with clients, but you will see me slow down on my writing, as well as, social media for a couple months.

 

Come September I am planning another 10 Week Best Mom You Can Be Group Program.  Dates are still to come, but if you are interested, drop me a line trisha@absoluteawareness.ca.

 

So having said all this, enjoy your summer; stay in the moment with your kids; and take the time to nurture yourself in nature.  I know I will!

 

Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the Best Mom You Can Be Program.  Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills and experience as a mother, teacher, & Clinical Hypnotherapist to mentor moms who want to become the best mom they can be by beginning to focus on themselves first.

She teaches moms how to slow down, understand their true values & priorities, implement self-care & self-awareness, thereby opening up to their intuition to create their own fulfilment, meaning, purpose, and happiness. …which of course, all gets passed down to the children who can then retain their intuitive sense, and grow from a place of knowing the truth of who they are.

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UNEXPECTED GIFTS FROM A GETAWAY

 

Here is part 2 of the 6 part “Unexpected Gifts From a Getaway” blog series.  Click here if you’d like to start at the beginning.

 

As I mentioned last week, I had eagerly been anticipating my 3 day getaway to Banff, only to get there and on the second day come to realize that it wasn’t going quite how I expected.  This little getaway ended up bringing about amazing lessons that I clearly needed to learn, and that I am going to continue sharing with you here.

 

The first thing that time to myself in Banff helped me realize is that I had denied myself the permission to feel what I was feeling, because I was too focused on where I was going.  I’m all for putting your energy in the direction you want to be heading, but definitely not at the expense of losing touch with what your emotions are telling you.

 

Obviously this was the reason why I so strongly felt that I had to get away where I could be with myself without obligations, schedules, commitments, or interruptions.  I needed to provide myself with the space to recognize what I was doing…which was not listening all that well.

 

Even with my daily practice of meditating, journaling, and reading, some pent up emotion was left untapped, and all I needed was a little more focused time on myself and my needs in order for it to surface.  By 2:00pm of the afternoon of my second day I was back to feeling happy and appreciating the rest of my stay.  AND I no longer had the tension and shortness of breath I had the previous day!

 

BUT…the learning was not done!

 

After spending a bit of time just doing whatever I felt like doing, the idea of “I have all this precious time; wouldn’t it be great if I could use some of it to “get ahead of the game” with my writing.”

 

As soon as that thought entered, I no longer was enjoying the moment…I was now back to looking ahead, and seeing how much I could accomplish.  The idea of allowing myself permission to do whatever I felt like doing were now fleeting moments.

 

All of a sudden I was once again filled with tension, impatience, frustration, and unease.  I knew I didn’t feel like using my time that way; my gut was telling me to just relax and enjoy, BUT my head was telling me what a great opportunity to “get stuff done” – no interruptions, no commitments, no obligations.  My higher self and ego mind were battling it out!

 

What hit me like a ton of bricks was that although I was calling this time in Banffa getaway for me-time, what I really was hoping to do was also sneak in some productivity time (stay tuned for an upcoming blog in this series regarding the price of productivity).  It was a ruse for being able to spend some time writing, which I am so passionate about, without having to justify saying “no” to so many other personal and business responsibilities and opportunities.

 

However, even with that, I could feel the pressure I was putting on myself to “produce” great writing material, and that in itself was weighing heavily on me.  I love writing, and I committed to myself that I would only put out material that I felt was valuable, however I had a desire to get “ahead of the game” with writing so that I didn’t feel pressure each week about putting out a blog.

 

My underlying thinking was if I could get away for awhile, I could really kill two birds with one stone.  I could have some time to myself, and also find some time to write without having to answer the phone, reply to emails, meet self-imposed deadlines, clean the house, do the laundry, make meals, and on and on it goes.

 

However once I got to Banff, my heart was calling me to just let it all go…forget about killing two birds with one stone, and just follow the direction that my heart was leading.  If I felt like sitting and gazing at the mountains, then do that; if I felt like going for a walk; then do that; if I felt like writing; then do that; if I felt like reading; then do that…just let it all go, knowing that there is no right or wrong answer, and that if I listen to what I need it will all get done in perfect timing.

 

What I realize now is, I wouldn’t have felt the urgency to shut myself off from the world if I was pacing myself at a rate which my “higher self” was urging me to.  Drive and perseverance kept me from fully listening.  Now don’t get me wrong, I was listening to the guided action I was receiving, BUT due to my laser focus on where I was heading, I wasn’t listening quite as well to the signs when they started telling me it was now time to slow down and allow the seeds I had been planting take root.

 

Even the thought of going back home brought feelings of stress and unease because I was going back to a pace that I set which was starting to make me unbalanced (stay tuned to an upcoming blog in this series regarding my belief about the true nature of balance; I have a whole new perspective on that).

 

I had become really great at creating balance in my personal life through creating boundaries, being able to say NO, finding time for myself, letting go of “shoulds” and obligations, etc.  And although that in itself had its own learning curve, I found it relatively easy (easy to say it was easy now…I don’t think I thought that at the time!) to do because so many of the things that I was now saying no to and creating boundaries around I didn’t want in my life.

 

It’s a lot easier to say no to things that you don’t want anyway, BUT what I was finding was that it takes a whole new level of commitment to yourself to say No to things that you do want, but know aren’t right for you right now.

 

Being in a business that I am so passionate and driven about, has created a whole new level of learning and trust.  I truly only do the things that I feel passionate and drawn to, HOWEVER, I am finding so many things that I am passionate and drawn to that I once again was finding myself in a state of unbalance, but at a whole new level.

 

This new level, has now forced me to tune into my emotions and intuition to a greater degree than I ever have before, and what it has made me realize is that I need to fine tune my emotional guidance because although there are so many things I want to do, my body physically cannot keep up with the pace I had been setting…and if I keep up at this pace, I will take away the joy from the things that I now enjoy doing. 

 

Therein lies lesson #3 – if we try to keep up with an unsustainable pace, we eventually take the joy out of it, and find ourselves needing to escape.

 

Stay tuned next week for lesson 3 in the series “Unexpected Gifts From a Getaway.”

 

To learn more about my work visit http://www.AbsoluteAwareness.ca

 

Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the Moms Who Want More Program.  Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills and experience as a mother, teacher, & Clinical Hypnotherapist to mentor moms who want more out of their lives – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

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As I write this I am sitting with a close-up view of Mount Kidd in Kananaskis Country, Alberta, Canada.  I could not ask for a better view!

This morning I woke up knowing this was a writing day for me, but in all honestly I was feeling a little uninspired, and not quite sure what I was going to write about. But as with everything, I always send out a Universal asking for what I need, so I did the same today, and just trusted that if I was meant to write today it would come.

And it did…in a bit of an unexpected way.  As I was returning home this morning from dropping the kids off at school, there is a point on my route where I get an amazing view of the mountains.  As I looked out at the mountains, I got hit with an overwhelming urge to write “with a view.”  So, I knew I was goin’ somewhere with a view of the mountains. 

I had two choices – 1) to knock on my friend Jacki’s door, who has an amazing view of the mountains from virtually every room in her house (not sure she’s appreciate that!), or 2) drive out to the mountains!  I opted for number two.

So, I quickly stopped at home, grabbed my laptop, swung by Starbucks for my Chai Latte (you didn’t think I’d forget my tea, did ya?!), and I headed for a day in the mountains.

Now, I have to tell you, only 6 short years ago, I wouldn’t have been nearly as spontaneous.  I felt stuck in a career that was making me very unhappy, and I felt that it was out of my control to change these circumstances.  I have to admit that towards the end of my teaching career, I was not a good teacher.  I was uninspired, drained, and unmotivated.  Although, I will say one area I was still good at was making a connection with the students…I will give myself credit where credit is due.  However, as I teacher, clearly I needed to move on.  To where…..?

As I was driving towards the mountains goin’ the speed limit without the radio on; simply enjoying the view without distraction, my mind began taking me back to certain parts of my journey.  Six years ago the thought of being in a career that allowed me the flexibility and spontaneity to take a drive out to the mountains on a whim…and it still be part of my “work”…would have been completely unfathomable. 

I was very much a person who stayed within the lines, stuck to the rules, and made sure everyone else was happy.  But lord knows I wasn’t!

As I continued driving I could literally feel myself start to relax more and more, knowing that in trusting my nudges, I was doing exactly what I was suppose to be doing. The views were amazing – snow capped mountains with crisp winter air that made them pop out and feel even closer than they were.  As I turned onto the Kananaski road the scenery began to change, but into something equally as beautiful – the mountains shadowed the roads and trees, so all the trees were still covered in frost; every once in awhile I’d round a curve and the sun would peek through casting shimmers of sparkling snow.

I was totally immersed in the beauty of the nature surrounding me that it felt like I was in the scene of a movie…except that I really had to pee (damn those Chai Latte’s!!!).

This fact in itself created a bigger lesson – there is still beauty to be appreciated regardless of the circumstances you are in right now.  Where are you going to put your focus?!

As I got to Kananaskis Lodge and stepped out of my vehicle, a feeling of awe came over me.  And then my next thought was, “Find a bathroom!”  …Sorry if I am ruining your pure vision of this scene…just keepin’ it real!

As I was driving, and as I am sitting here now, the realization continues to hit me….I created this!  Maybe it’s the mountains talkin’ (okay, it’s definitely not just the mountains)…but life is good!

Having just read that above paragraph, how did you respond?  Really think about it.  Did you think, “Yep, life is good.”?  Or were you thinkin’ “Oh, I wish…that would be nice.”? Or were you thinkin’ “Yeah, easy for her to say, she has more flexibility.  I have commitments and obligations.  I can’t just run off to the mountains for the day.”?

Well, years ago, I would have thought I couldn’t either….BUT I just did!  I had to take some leaps of faith, surround myself with supportive people, take some “risks,” challenge my beliefs, let go of what others thought, and trust myself.  …BUT I did it.

When I stepped out of my vehicle and breathed in the mountain air, I was truly overwhelmed with how blessed I feel.  And I had to give myself a pat on the back for having the courage to choose this life.  It didn’t find me…I found it!

If right now you feel stuck, struggling, depressed, too scared to ask for help, don’t want to admit to yourself or others that you need help….I get it!  I absolutely know how you feel.  But, I believe the reason I was inspired to write about this is to show you that it can change.  You can change; your circumstances can change.

If a rule-abiding, stay on the beaten path, perfectionistic people pleaser, and over-analyzer to boot can do it…I guarantee you can too!!!  I say this as I am admiring the view of Mount Kidd.  How is your view?

Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the Moms Who Want More Program.  Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills and experience as a mother, teacher, & Clinical Hypnotherapist to mentor moms who want more out of their lives – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

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